Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need moral support for this bender
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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