Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
