she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
