She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize