fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
