I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
