I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
they're like a gay fantastic four
the night ended with taco bell and tears
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
