my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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