OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
