i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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