you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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