Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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