The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
