Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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