Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
