I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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