I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How naked do you want me to be?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
