cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
