I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
