My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
