Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
