Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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