I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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