The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
