thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
