Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I want to have your abortion
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
