I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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