Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
