If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize