let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
