We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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