i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
