how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
