there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
