Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize