I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
