It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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