pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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