Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
