just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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