Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
