Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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