he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
