I'm lost and stupid without you.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
