how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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