My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
