I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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