I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
