i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
