Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
