just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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