giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
