Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
someone owes me an orgasm
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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