Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
