I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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