Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize