I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
