I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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