The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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