Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
