yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
