Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Come back. Shots need mouths.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
