Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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