i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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