so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
too bad you live with your parents still
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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