his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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