my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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