I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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