Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
