I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
