The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize