You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
