i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
