hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
