You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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