Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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