I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
