if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
