I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
